Redneck skit highlights TOTS' Christmas party

Tucson Old Timers (TOTS)

60-and-over baseball

The Tucson Old Timers baseball club held its annual Christmas luncheon today at the Udall Senior Center. As usual a good time was had by all as 70-plus showed up for the event, which included players, their wives, girl friends, and other family members. And as usual Christmas carols highlighted the event and the annual affair ended with the singing of "Take Me Out To the Ball Game" -- both the original version and the TOTS' version.

This year, Ted Davis Productions was on hand to put on a "redneck skit" -- involving Brother Bob, Brother Davis and a sports store clerk named Dennis, a Santa Claus look alike (which clued the audience in on the fact it was the Christmas holiday season).

The skit:

Once upon a time... their were two redneck brothers -- brother Bobby a graduate many, many years ago from Clemson, down South Carolina way, and brother Teddy, who spent most of his young life apart from his older brother in Bear Bryant country, the great state of Alabama.

Both brothers had some smarts as Bobby grew up to be a top notch accountant, and Teddy left Alabama, settled in the southwest and ended up as the assistant finance director at the University of Arizona. Both brothers eventually retired and joined a crazy bunch of misfits, called the Tucson Old Timers.

The audience is left to figure out for themselves what happened to all the brothers money, because they now have one pickup truck between them and it seems like they both have been gone from the world of finance for quite a while and are trying desperately to figure out how to buy a special gift for Christmas: a baseball bat.

That's when Dennis enters the picture and the audience is trying to figure out why Dennis, aka Santa, has a Boston accent. Could the Land of the Patriots, be Santa's home, too! At any rate, brother Bobby, is nursing a baseball injury and is sitting in the old pickup truck and he sends brother Teddy into the sporting goods store to buy a baseball bat.

There seems to be some question on what type of bat, the weight and just how long the bat needs to be. This takes time as brother Teddy returns to the pickup truck -- not once, not twice but three times to get all the particulars. They eventually figure out the type of wood, the weight in ounces, but when it comes to how long, brother Teddy looks at the smiling clerk and answers..."well forever, of course."

Now the audience assumes a bat is purchased and the sparkling new piece of lumber will find its way to the bat rack when the TOTS return to Udall Park on Monday to continue living out the dream of playing baseball.

Photos: (top) The Redneck skit actors: Dennis Crowley, Ted Davis and Bob Daliege; (bottom photo) the crowd at the TOTS Christmas luncheon today.