From the desk of a medical wonder
Or, should I say wanderer?
After six months of hospital visits, a couple of ambulance rides, a CT scan or two, I find myself nearing February of 2022 with no clear answers.
Except for the fact I know for sure I do not have acne.
Yes! Of all the medications I have been on since August of 2021, it's been discovered I do not have Covid, nor do I have acne. I was pretty sure I hadn't had a pimple for 60 years, way back when I was sixteen, but I was given a pill last week that, among other things, is supposed to clear up acne.
I now have a pretty face, but the rest of my body is falling off!
Before I go on, I must enlighten my readers that I admire all the hard working people in the medical field. I know I couldn't do the work. I have a hard enough time being a patient.
My latest story (and there have been many) is a foot ailment. Turns out my Achilles is intact, only a bit irritated with my way of life and my obsession with senior baseball. Turns out I have a bunion that is trying to escape the right side of my right foot, but can only be removed with a chainsaw. My toes are also glued together. Too bad I don't swim.
My latest visit to a specialist and the first question asked of me: How much pain can you take?
In the old days, the doctor would ask: On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your pain level?
And now here we are at the beginning of 2022 and bottom line, the Doc says: "Get back out there and enjoy as much pain as you can bear. Trust me, you do not want another operation on that foot!"
I wasn't in the office more than five minutes, but I was shown, on the computer screen, all the contraptions available as an aid to recovery. I felt like I was in a Tin Cup movie and Kevin Costner's character was looking for answers regarding the yips in his golf swing.
My doctor's assistant did shake her head when I told her I was diagnosed with gout, six weeks ago. Well, it is not gout and my Achilles will live for another day and my bunion is looking for a tailor -- like in Tailor's Bunion.
As for the Doc's bedside manner: I read between the lines of our short visit and pretty much figured out: "Don't come back until you are ready for the knife.
So, back to Tin Cup.
I bought a new pair of running shoes, a clown-like pair of sneakers like Joaquin Phoenix wore in the 2019 movie, Joker. I mean these clodhoppers are long and wide -- a 4e, with inserts that cost as much as the shoe, slap on the ointment I obtained in Colorado (if you know what I mean) and live happily ever after.
But, for now, don't do anything more risky than walk to, and from, the refrigerator.
Photo: The Medical Wanderer (Where are you, Dion?)
And another photo...you don't have to look, if you don't want to!
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